Sign

 

A friend who is also taking part in this Lent challenge wrote a prayer-poem for today, noting how much easier it would be sometimes if God would give us a simple, clear sign but often life can feel as bewildering as being on a small boat in the middle of the sea with only the sun or moon to guide us.

I can appreciate where she's coming from with that.

With COVID and personal health challenges in the last twelve months, I've often felt a bit despairing, like I'm on unfamiliar and uncharted territory. I can't see the road ahead, sometimes I can't even see the next step, and that's unsettling to say the least.

Another friend recently sent me this verse written by a wise prophet called Isaiah (42:16):

I will lead blind [insert name] down a new path,
guiding them along an unfamiliar way.
I will brighten the darkness before them
and smooth out the road ahead of them.
Yes, I will indeed do these things;
I will not forsake them.

I guess we all feel at the moment like we're being led down a new path and guided in an unfamiliar way. But I'm heartened by this verse - I'm being led and guided. God knows where I'm going and has a map even though I feel lost and bewildered. I can trust Him, knowing that - however it may look at times - He will not forsake me.

Living

 

My friend died today. I'd never met her in person, only online. 

Despite severe limitations of enduring stage 4 cancer during the COVID pandemic, Bex knew how to live. She inspired me (I hate to say someone with cancer is an inspiration as that is intensely annoying - they are just getting on with it, as anyone would). But Bex did inspire me. She showed me how to live.

She planned her funeral a few months ago. She wanted to be ready and not leave loose ends undone. 

Despite pain and breathlessness and the other seemingly endless side effects of having cancer, she got on with her life. Bex knew how to live. She went for walks, enjoyed friends (socially distanced of course) and appeared to squeeze every drop of joy out of each day. 

I will hugely miss Bex. It heartened me to interact with her on social media. She didn't gloss over her problems and fought to make known that 31 people per day die of stage 4 breast cancer in the UK #Iamthe31. 

For the last few weeks I've been looking out for Bex's posts on Instagram each evening. I'm going to miss our online chat tonight. I'm sorry for myself but glad for her, so glad for her. She is no longer living here but enjoying fullness of life in paradise. 

Rest in peace, Bex. See you soon 💜

Covenant

 

This Lent I am once again joining in with UM Rethink Church's Lent word-a-day challenge. 

Today's word is: covenant.

I was king of the country but wasn't always that great as a father and a husband. 

Famous stories are told about me: I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and accidentally saw a gorgeous lady having a bath. She thought she was completely private; she didn't know I was ogling and objectifying her. Because I was king, I could do anything and have any woman I wanted so I sent for her. 

I believe today you'd say I raped her. I certainly didn't behave decently towards her.

I didn't even take precautions so she got pregnant. That was awkward because her husband - who was in my elite fighting force - was away at war. I had him sent home thinking he would sleep with her and then everyone would assume the baby was his. But he was an honourable man and didn't think it right for him to enjoy home comforts while his men were away suffering. I had to think fast - so I had him murdered. Later I married Bathsheba and our son became a famous king and the wisest man on earth. 

But I felt terrible about the whole episode. I shouldn't have acted like that. It was wicked of me.

Another time, my beautiful young daughter was raped by my son but, to my shame, I did nothing about it. No justice for her. Another of my sons carried out vigilante justice and then went too far and I ended up pretty much losing everything.

I'm not proud of how I acted. I was a flawed human being. But these two accounts do not add up to the man I was. I was also called the sweet psalmist of Israel and a man after God's own heart. Because I loved God first and foremost. Whenever I realised I'd done wrong it broke my heart and I truly repented. My relationship with the Most High was the most important thing in my life.

I enjoyed living in a luxurious palace but we worshiped God in a tent. A glorious tent, but still a tent. I wasn't happy with that. I have always wanted God to have the very best. So I planned to build Him a glorious temple. It didn't work out, as God had planned for my son to build it. But in the process, God made a covenant with me. He promised my throne would last forever. 

He meant that the Promised One would come through my line - that He would be my descendant. What an honour. 

I was so humbled to know that God would choose me - so flawed - with whom to make a covenant that would bring huge blessing to millions. Truly awesome.

Once

 

This week's Five Minute Friday prompt is: once.

Once upon a time, I dreamed of escaping. It was a revelation to realise they were abusive. I didn't understand what narcissism or gaslighting were.... but I was beginning to feel their impact to the full.

Then the memories returned.... And I made my escape. 

Was it worth it?

Yes. Without doubt. But the cost has been high. Loss of so many dear people. 

Once I dreamed about escaping. Now I've done it. 

I realise it only takes a 'once' - a one-time event - to change everything. For good or for bad. Captain Tom once decided to walk up and down his garden to raise money for the NHS and became a national hero. But other 'onces' or one-time events aren't good. A life-changing diagnosis, a heart attack, a rape. It only needs happen once but it changes everything.

I'm glad God the Father once decided to send His Son - His precious Baby - to earth. I'm glad Jesus once agreed with His Father that it was the best way, the only way. I'm thankful He pursues me every day of my life whether or not I want Him to (and I do want Him to right now!) and that because of His determination not to give up on me, I once made the life-changing decision to follow Him. Good things have come of that decision I once made - and greater things will come of it in the future.

Sunrise

 

This week's Five Minute Friday prompt is: sunrise.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a morning person. I struggle to get out of bed in a morning and in that first moment of waking I would gladly forego a planned holiday or day trip in order to stay warm and comfy where I am. Of course, if something is planned I do get up! But I'm definitely not a 'leap out of bed and greet the dawn' person.

I went on holiday with my good friend Elizabeth a few years ago. We were in a beautiful place - facing the beach and sea at the front, fields at the back. We enjoyed several sunsets with one another. 

I was determined to also enjoy a sunrise. So one morning I set my alarm for some unearthly hour and got up. Bleary eyed I made coffee and then sat on a kitchen stool gazing to the east. It was one of those moments. Just me and Jesus enjoying a coffee and His glorious creation together. As the sun appeared on the horizon in all its glory, I had a brief second of really knowing who I am. 

I am made for God. I'm a child of the Most High. I'm passing through here. My Home is with God in Paradise and then in the New Heavens and New Earth He is going to make. 

Design

 

Today's Five Minute Friday prompt is:  design.

Last weekend it finally snowed here - yay! I love snow so immediately donned my Wonder Woman wellies and waterproofs and headed out for my favourite walk up the hill near us.

I love the sound of the snow squeaking beneath my feet. It's fun to sniff up snowflakes when I breathe in and it's wonderful seeing everything covered in a soft white blanket. The world seems a more peaceful place when it's snowing, and the still whiteness brings beauty and light to the most ugly places.

As I mooched along, I marvelled at how each snowflake is unique. If I could examine each one under a microscope, I'd see amazing and flawless design.

It reminds me of sand on the beach. When the grains are examined under a powerful microscope, each one is beautifully shaped and designed - I believe each one looks like a crown. 

We cannot see these intricate designs with our naked eyes, but we can enjoy and relish the bigger picture. Our God is the most marvellous designer. In the book of Proverbs, it says that 'wisdom was beside Him as a master crafstman' - that's who my Daddy-God is: a master craftsman. 

Fix

 

Today's Five Minute Friday prompt is:  fix.

For the last three years I've been struggling with my mental health. For the last year, I've also had some physical health challenges.

I've noticed friends (and I'm very grateful for all of them) are more comfortable around physical than mental health. I understand this. I was the same - until I was diagnosed with a mental health condition myself.

I have had good support - both prayer and practical - and, as I said, I'm grateful.

But why do we often try to fix each other? Especially with my mental health, I longed for someone to just be there. Not to try and fix me or come up with a solution or tell me how things should be. I wanted someone to sit with me and share my pain and grief, to be with me in it. 

There was definitely a place for encouraging me that I will come out of this one day. But I didn't always need to hear that. What I needed more than anything was for someone to acknowledge the trauma and my distress, not to do or say anything, but just to be with me.

And I have to say I have a handful of wonderful friends who do listen and are there for me, and I'm so grateful for them. 

I think when someone is grieving or coping with past or current trauma, or similar situation, we just need to be there for them. Let's stop trying to fix what seems to be wrong and instead simply listen, hug, cook a meal or bake shortbread. Sometimes we just have spiky emotions that need to be safely expressed with someone we can trust.