Delivered and Possible

 

This Friday I'm once again combining the Lent challenge (delivered) with Five Minute Friday (possible):

I took this photo of Japan's Kohei Uchimura at the 2012 Olympics (on the television; sadly, I couldn't get tickets for the actual event). Uchimura is one of my favourite male gymnasts (now retired, I believe) because even if he fell and his routine went awry, he always kept going and giving his best - and often won a gold or silver medal in the process. He made the impossible or unlikely seem possible.

Several years ago we had a powerful move of the Spirit in the church I then attended. As part of that, many of us who had been Believers for years were delivered from evil spirits. Yes, they are real, and yes, they can cling on to Believers. None of us had idea they were there until they showed their presence, often during Sunday services and prayer meetings. 

I discovered in a very real way the power of Jesus's name - the spirit world is well aware of who He really is and they have no choice but to obey Him. Jesus is far more powerful than any evil spirit. Although I've always known the theory of Jesus's cleansing blood and that by His death and resurrection He rescued me from the domain of darkness and put me safely in His own beautiful Kingdom of Light, during that time and since I've experienced that reality. 

God makes all things possible, even being delivered from evil and haunting influences. A word of warning though: as an account in Acts in the Bible makes clear, you can't mess about with the unseen. Their power is real and they hate humans who are made in the image of God. 

Rested and Green

 
Today I'm once again combining the Lent Challenge (rested) with Five Minute Friday (green).

I chose the above photos from a long weekend away I had in Flald-y-Brenin three years ago with a good friend. It was both restful and full of greenery.

Rest is as important as exercise and activity. God set the ultimate example by resting at the end of the first week from His work of creating the universe. 

I belong to a Facebook group which encourages individuals with health issues to get moving. We applaud a few steps round the house and thirty mile bike rides. We also cheer each other on when someone has a rest day (like me today). 

Rest is important for the wellness of our whole being. I also find - with lockdown and other challenges - that enjoying nature is important for my mental and emotional health. I mostly keep away from the countryside around us because so many other people are enjoying it but don't always bother to socially distance, making me feel unsafe with the current pandemic. So I often confine my walks to the town but pounding the streets doesn't relax and refresh me as much as the greenery and rivers.

The psalmist, King David, clearly valued the joys of nature as evidence in Psalm 23: 'You lead me beside still waters and make me lie down in green meadows; You restore my soul.' 

Bless and Enable

 

I'm combining Five Minute Friday (enable) with the Rethink Church Lent challenge (bless).

I've been blessed particularly in the last twelve months with good friends: people who have really been there for me by texting or ringing, dropping off meals so Adi didn't have to cook, and sending cards, flowers and gifts. 

I had a WhatsApp video call yesterday with an old friend with whom I used to work. We haven't spoken for a few years and she listened as I relayed rather a woeful tale of mental and physical ill health to her. She didn't try to fix me or minimise my pain, meaning I felt heard and safe. She did direct me to this YouTube song which I've listened to twice since speaking with her.

The truth in this song is enabling me to keep going in what is possibly the darkest, most difficult season of my life. Hear what Job and Shane & Shane and John Piper and God are saying: for the believer, no pain is for nothing. It is earning for us an eternal weight of glory. Right now, I'm choosing to believe that. 

It is important that pain is acknowledged and that we sit with each other in our pain, grief and anger, not minimising or spiritualising it away. It's okay not to be okay. We can be hurting and broken now but it's not for nothing. God has a purpose in it even though we mostly can't begin to understand. That's why He's bigger than us. His thoughts aren't our thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. But that doesn't mean He doesn't sit with us in our pain and count our tears in His bottle (or an equivalent if, like me, you find it near impossible to cry).

Once

 

This week's Five Minute Friday prompt is: once.

Once upon a time, I dreamed of escaping. It was a revelation to realise they were abusive. I didn't understand what narcissism or gaslighting were.... but I was beginning to feel their impact to the full.

Then the memories returned.... And I made my escape. 

Was it worth it?

Yes. Without doubt. But the cost has been high. Loss of so many dear people. 

Once I dreamed about escaping. Now I've done it. 

I realise it only takes a 'once' - a one-time event - to change everything. For good or for bad. Captain Tom once decided to walk up and down his garden to raise money for the NHS and became a national hero. But other 'onces' or one-time events aren't good. A life-changing diagnosis, a heart attack, a rape. It only needs happen once but it changes everything.

I'm glad God the Father once decided to send His Son - His precious Baby - to earth. I'm glad Jesus once agreed with His Father that it was the best way, the only way. I'm thankful He pursues me every day of my life whether or not I want Him to (and I do want Him to right now!) and that because of His determination not to give up on me, I once made the life-changing decision to follow Him. Good things have come of that decision I once made - and greater things will come of it in the future.

Sunrise

 

This week's Five Minute Friday prompt is: sunrise.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a morning person. I struggle to get out of bed in a morning and in that first moment of waking I would gladly forego a planned holiday or day trip in order to stay warm and comfy where I am. Of course, if something is planned I do get up! But I'm definitely not a 'leap out of bed and greet the dawn' person.

I went on holiday with my good friend Elizabeth a few years ago. We were in a beautiful place - facing the beach and sea at the front, fields at the back. We enjoyed several sunsets with one another. 

I was determined to also enjoy a sunrise. So one morning I set my alarm for some unearthly hour and got up. Bleary eyed I made coffee and then sat on a kitchen stool gazing to the east. It was one of those moments. Just me and Jesus enjoying a coffee and His glorious creation together. As the sun appeared on the horizon in all its glory, I had a brief second of really knowing who I am. 

I am made for God. I'm a child of the Most High. I'm passing through here. My Home is with God in Paradise and then in the New Heavens and New Earth He is going to make. 

Design

 

Today's Five Minute Friday prompt is:  design.

Last weekend it finally snowed here - yay! I love snow so immediately donned my Wonder Woman wellies and waterproofs and headed out for my favourite walk up the hill near us.

I love the sound of the snow squeaking beneath my feet. It's fun to sniff up snowflakes when I breathe in and it's wonderful seeing everything covered in a soft white blanket. The world seems a more peaceful place when it's snowing, and the still whiteness brings beauty and light to the most ugly places.

As I mooched along, I marvelled at how each snowflake is unique. If I could examine each one under a microscope, I'd see amazing and flawless design.

It reminds me of sand on the beach. When the grains are examined under a powerful microscope, each one is beautifully shaped and designed - I believe each one looks like a crown. 

We cannot see these intricate designs with our naked eyes, but we can enjoy and relish the bigger picture. Our God is the most marvellous designer. In the book of Proverbs, it says that 'wisdom was beside Him as a master crafstman' - that's who my Daddy-God is: a master craftsman. 

Fix

 

Today's Five Minute Friday prompt is:  fix.

For the last three years I've been struggling with my mental health. For the last year, I've also had some physical health challenges.

I've noticed friends (and I'm very grateful for all of them) are more comfortable around physical than mental health. I understand this. I was the same - until I was diagnosed with a mental health condition myself.

I have had good support - both prayer and practical - and, as I said, I'm grateful.

But why do we often try to fix each other? Especially with my mental health, I longed for someone to just be there. Not to try and fix me or come up with a solution or tell me how things should be. I wanted someone to sit with me and share my pain and grief, to be with me in it. 

There was definitely a place for encouraging me that I will come out of this one day. But I didn't always need to hear that. What I needed more than anything was for someone to acknowledge the trauma and my distress, not to do or say anything, but just to be with me.

And I have to say I have a handful of wonderful friends who do listen and are there for me, and I'm so grateful for them. 

I think when someone is grieving or coping with past or current trauma, or similar situation, we just need to be there for them. Let's stop trying to fix what seems to be wrong and instead simply listen, hug, cook a meal or bake shortbread. Sometimes we just have spiky emotions that need to be safely expressed with someone we can trust.

Time

 

This New Year I've decided to take part in Five Minute Friday again. It's been a while but I used to join in every week. It involves writing for five minutes without pausing to edit on a given topic.

This week's topic is: time.

With the events of 2020, time has become more precious to me. So many things have changed. 

I was chatting with my practice nurse this afternoon about the fact that now if I want to do something, I do it. I try not to procrastinate. I am too aware that things can change at any moment. One day I could be well, the next not.

I'm not being morbid or negative. But I came face to face with my own mortality last year and it has made me think differently about things.

I love walking and now, if there's a side path I fancy exploring, I go down it. Before, I would have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to explore that at some point, I wonder where it goes.' 

If there's a letter to be written, I write it.

I wonder if actually, I've made life less stressful for myself? I'm now getting on and doing those things that I used to put off indefinitely but which can end up weighing on your mind.

I'm also taking time to give priority to the things I love doing like the aforesaid walking and also reading, baking and watching favourite television series like Downton and Porridge. Spending time with God has become precious rather than a chore. I really want to connect with Him and to hear Him speak to me.

Life

This week's Five Minute Friday prompt is: LIFE.

Life is a funny thing....

After a relationship ending in my early twenties a friend assured me, 'You never know what's around the corner. You could be married with a baby on the way this time next year.'

I nodded along, not really believing a word she said. All I could see was a life of singleness stretching ahead of me and that's not what I wanted.

But it wasn't long before my lovely husband came along and we have now been happily married for a couple of decades.

A little over two years ago, we were hit with a juggernaut full of heartache and pain which brought with it mental ill health among other things. Twelve months in and I felt like I'd had enough. I was sick of traumatic memories from the past returning and throwing me into fresh mental and emotional turmoil.

I angrily yelled at God, 'I hate life!' I couldn't see any way out of the dark tunnel I found myself in. I wanted God to know how much I hated life because one of Jesus's titles in the New Testament is 'Life'. There were times I hated God.

Thankfully, Jesus is steering me through the dark tunnel and there are times now that I can even see a pinprick of light at the end of it.

Still, there are some days I'm less thrilled about being alive than others. But I do know now that Jesus is the meaning of life. Without Him I can't see the point, but with Him my life does have meaning.

Sacrifice

This week's Five Minute Friday word prompt is SACRIFICE:

I was reading the account of Abraham taking his son Isaac up on a mountain to sacrifice him, in obedience to an instruction Abraham had received from God.

This was Abraham's much-loved and greatly-longed for son of promise.

I often wonder what was going through Abraham's mind and heart as he walked with his son up that hillside. Such turmoil, such hope, such faith.

The story ends perfectly with the Angel of the Lord calling to Abraham at the key moment and telling him not to kill his son. It was a test of Abraham's love for and faith in God. Would he put God before God's gift?

But on this time of reading, I pondered a different Father and Son. As the Son (AKA the Angel of the Lord) called to Abraham to stop, did He glance over to the Father? What would have been in their hearts at that point? Because when the Son offered Himself as a sacrifice, there was no one to call 'stop!' at the crucial moment.

Direction

After a very long break, I have decided to start taking part in Five Minute Friday again. This is an online community where we each write for five minutes on a weekly topic.

This week's topic is DIRECTION.

A little over two years ago, my life fell apart as I broke into what felt like a thousand pieces. Life would never be the same again and I am still working on coming to terms with it.

One day I was happy in a job I loved, busy in church and other ministries, and researching to write a book.

Then a traumatic memory that I'd blocked out from the past came back to haunt me. Everything changed; the direction of my life changed dramatically.

The last couple of years have been the toughest I have ever had to face. For a long time I was angry with God, regularly demanding that He 'just annihilate me!' Life didn't seem to be worth living.

But I feel I've finally turned a corner. There's still a long way to go. I have real hope that there might be light at the end of this tunnel.

And I have tentative faith in God that He is directing my life and maybe - just maybe - He might possibly have a purpose in all of this. I don't want my suffering to be for nothing. I don't know where He's headed but, today (and it might change tomorrow), I can trust that He knows.