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I used to love praying. 

As a teenager, I'd shut myself in the spare room at my parents' house on a Sunday afternoon and pace up and down praying.

When I was ill with ME/chronic fatigue syndrome ten years ago, I spent two to five minutes a day praising God. After I was healed, one of my favourite things was to pace up and down the long narrow kitchen in the house we then lived in praying, praising and singing at the top of my voice. We weren't attached to anyone on that side of the house so hopefully I didn't disturb the neighbours. It was just a little embarrassing if the postman knocked!

After God healed me of ME/CFS I enjoyed prayer walking round the streets, praying in to situations and for seven-fold peace (peace, wholeness, completeness, welfare, prosperity, tranquillity and harmony) on my neighbours. 

That all changed sadly three years ago when abusive and traumatic childhood memories suddenly and unexpectedly returned. For months I was angry at God for allowing it (I still don't have answers but am no longer so angry).

One of the reasons I enjoyed praying so much in the past was that as I called on God, He blessed me with His presence, sometimes so tangible I'd end up on the floor, often laughing uncontrollably. It was fantastic. I felt so close to God at those times.

It was so different when my mental health went downhill. I questioned everything and was constantly exhausted from being hyperalert all the time. Praying turned into angry rants. God was big enough to deal with it but I missed Him.

I sometimes wished God had a phone number that I could just ring and we could talk. Prayer can sometimes feel so one-sided - especially if we're not well mentally, physically or emotionally, never mind spiritually.

Although I've changed, God hasn't and I believe He is still delighted to be with me when I call on Him - though these days I have to believe it more by faith than from enjoying His presence. But that doesn't mean He's not there.

Now I'm more stable mentally, I've recently started prayer-walking the new estate where we now live. I used to have very angry walks - I didn't see anything or anyone clearly. It's far nicer going for walks when I'm murmuring blessings on the people I pass and praying for God's Kingdom to come - and hopefully there'll be eternal spiritual benefit as well as physical and mental benefits here and now.

God on Mute

I imagine there aren't many books dealing authentically with the pain and crushing disappointment of unanswered prayer.

God on Mute by Pete Greig is necessary.

I first read it a few months after my life changed abruptly following the re-emergence of long-buried traumatic childhood memories. I'd suffered through a year of mental health issues, grief, anger, huge loss and loneliness. I was raging at God and wondered if I'd lost my faith, indeed whether it was even worth having faith in Him.

Then I got hold of this book.

When you feel you're broken into a thousand pieces and fragile, this is a safe book to read. Pete doesn't gloss over pain with well-meaning platitudes. He knows how it feels. He goes to dark places and looks at the difficult questions.

I found this book so helpful and healing. It's one I keep coming back to and each time I get more out of it.

It is split into four sections, based on the traumatic events at the end of Jesus' life:

• Maundy Thursday: How Am I Going To Get Through This?
• Good Friday: Why Aren't My Prayers Being Answered?
• Holy Saturday: Where Is God When Heaven Is Silent?
• Easter Sunday: When Every Prayer Is Answered.

Pete writes in a balanced, gentle, real way. He believes in miracles; he's seen God do some truly amazing things within and through the 24/7 prayer movement. But he also knows there are times when God is silent and the much-needed, longed-for miracle doesn't happen. What then?

If you are struggling with horrible circumstances, angry with God for being silent and not coming through for you, I highly recommend this book.

I've awarded it 5* though it's easily worth twice that.