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I used to love praying. 

As a teenager, I'd shut myself in the spare room at my parents' house on a Sunday afternoon and pace up and down praying.

When I was ill with ME/chronic fatigue syndrome ten years ago, I spent two to five minutes a day praising God. After I was healed, one of my favourite things was to pace up and down the long narrow kitchen in the house we then lived in praying, praising and singing at the top of my voice. We weren't attached to anyone on that side of the house so hopefully I didn't disturb the neighbours. It was just a little embarrassing if the postman knocked!

After God healed me of ME/CFS I enjoyed prayer walking round the streets, praying in to situations and for seven-fold peace (peace, wholeness, completeness, welfare, prosperity, tranquillity and harmony) on my neighbours. 

That all changed sadly three years ago when abusive and traumatic childhood memories suddenly and unexpectedly returned. For months I was angry at God for allowing it (I still don't have answers but am no longer so angry).

One of the reasons I enjoyed praying so much in the past was that as I called on God, He blessed me with His presence, sometimes so tangible I'd end up on the floor, often laughing uncontrollably. It was fantastic. I felt so close to God at those times.

It was so different when my mental health went downhill. I questioned everything and was constantly exhausted from being hyperalert all the time. Praying turned into angry rants. God was big enough to deal with it but I missed Him.

I sometimes wished God had a phone number that I could just ring and we could talk. Prayer can sometimes feel so one-sided - especially if we're not well mentally, physically or emotionally, never mind spiritually.

Although I've changed, God hasn't and I believe He is still delighted to be with me when I call on Him - though these days I have to believe it more by faith than from enjoying His presence. But that doesn't mean He's not there.

Now I'm more stable mentally, I've recently started prayer-walking the new estate where we now live. I used to have very angry walks - I didn't see anything or anyone clearly. It's far nicer going for walks when I'm murmuring blessings on the people I pass and praying for God's Kingdom to come - and hopefully there'll be eternal spiritual benefit as well as physical and mental benefits here and now.